Speaker Offers Tips for Farm Families
Published: Friday, February 13, 2026
Farming with your family can be rewarding, according to a keynote speaker at the Northern Indiana Grazing Conference. He said getting everyone, from young children to young adults, involved in the operation creates a "great growing experience" for all family members.
Kerry Estes, a dairy farmer from Fountaintown, Ind., spoke last Friday to a group of mostly Amish families at the 24th annual grazing conference in Shipshewana. He shared why it is important to involve all family members in the operation. He and his wife Christiana have four children and two grandchildren. Their oldest, Damon, became an employee in 2022. Damon and his wife have built a home on the farm.
The Esteses milk 170 crossbred cows with a rotational grazing system. During his speech, Estes shared advice not only on how to involve children in farm work but also how to make them feel valued. He said this process starts when the children are very small.
"Start giving them tasks, tasks that they can handle," he said. "Kids love helping. If you're pushing a broom and you've got another broom sitting there, what's a kid going to do? They're going to grab that other broom. They're not going to do a very good job, but they want to feel like they are part of what you're doing."
He said it's important to communicate expectations early on, like working until the job is finished, and to teach children that "life does not revolve around them."
"Our society often has the kids (being) No. 1," he said. "Mom's priority is always the kids. The husband-and-wife relationship is down here. That's actually not how God set it up. The kids need to learn at an early age that the marriage is first and then the kids."
Estes said teaching children how to work "is not a bad thing."
He said children learn by watching their parents: how they treat each other, how they problem-solve and how they get things done.
Working with teenagers requires more communication and more intentionality. They think more independently and incorporate outside influences into their thinking. They might even start to debate their parents, but on the positive side, teenagers are fun, energetic and have some good ideas, Estes said.
Everyone knows that spending time with children is important, but Estes said quantity is more important than quality.
"We need to be spending time with our kids," he said. "Secondly, talk with your kids. Find out what's going on in their minds. Find out what their concerns are. What are their worries? What are their fears? Talk with them as a parent or a grandparent."
Also, parents should give their teens a "load of responsibility," but "don't just make them your free laborers," he said. Other tips he mentioned are: allow teens to experience the consequences for their actions, and find their "bent," or passion, and help guide it.
With adult children, Estes said parents should give them a lot of responsibility but also include them in financial discussions. Avoid pressuring them with expectations, he said.
"I think everybody here, including myself, would love to have our kids carry on our farms," Estes said. "Have you ever thought, though, that maybe that isn't what God has for them? Maybe God is using their farm experience to prepare them for something else."
For all ages of children, Estes advises parents to pray with their children.
"For our kids, that communicates that Mom and Dad are going to the Highest Power on my behalf," he said.
If, like Estes, farm families have married children involved in the farming operation, they should recognize them as a separate family and not an extension of the parents' family.
"After my son got married, he said, 'Dad, I want to stay and help you on the farm.' I said great. Here's the assumption I made: Well, he's grown up on the farm and knows everything we have to do. We'll just ease right into this. Here is what I didn't factor: He has a wife that did not grow up on a farm. She did not grow up in a situation where her husband had to help every morning and every evening."
He said it would have been wise to have had a conversation with Damon and his wife about expectations.
"I honestly had too many expectations for my son to continue on," he said. "So, I needed to back off of those. I have needed to give them time, give them days off so that they can be their own family unit and not always working with me as their dad."
Estes said, in the three and a half years that Damon has been married, he has seen a tremendous amount of growth in him.
Also, Estes said a married child should have a part of the farm operation that is his or her own.
The Indiana dairy farmer had some Bible-based advice for married couples. The foundation of a successful marriage, he said, is love and respect.
"How do you show love to your wife?" he asked. "Do you speak kindly to her? Do you look for her needs? Do you make sure she feels more important than the herd of cows out back? Is she more important than the crops that you feed?"
According to Estes, the three words that generate the most brain activity in a woman are "I love you." However, a man's brain activity is stimulated by two words: "Thank you."
Estes said the Bible teaches that women were created to be a helpmate for their husbands. He said that means wives should help strengthen their husbands through positive words.
"So, the question I would have for you, ladies, is, are you helping to strengthen your husband? Are you strengthening him or are you tearing him down? Do you compliment him or do you complain about him?"
He said encouraging words give life, but critical words tear down.
Regarding positivity, Estes said every farm family needs mutual encouragement and a good dose of laughter.
"There's nothing funnier in life to my kids than when I stub my toe," he said. "I can tell the funniest joke, they can watch the funniest thing—it doesn't compare. Dad stubs his toe? Right to the top!"
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