Telling Your Story
There is holiday cheer bubbling all around as Christmas approaches. The holidays are supposed to be happy, and bright. We are looking forward to spending time with family, holiday decorations, traditions, and checking off the list of favorite things.
But some people aren't feeling all merry and bright. Situations, hardship and grief can rob us of the peace and joy we expect to feel around this time of year.
I'm one of those people experiencing at least in part, a blue Christmas.
Christmas was Mom's absolute favorite time of the year. The decorations, trimming the tree with her children, then eventually grandchildren, stretching her Christmas dollars further than any coin was meant to be stretched, baking cookies with her children and grandchildren, and passing out endless batches of caramel corn to everyone, everywhere, were just some of her holiday traditions. She didn't want the fun to end.
I feel that loss deeply this time of year. It hits unexpectedly. It stings unapologetically.
You might be feeling left out while you struggle with some personal sadness and loss as the merry making goes on around you. There is a hole, an empty spot left in the heart, at the table, and within the circle. You put on a merry face, join in, and make the best of it. Nobody wants to be a drag on the festivities.
It doesn't help that the balance is tipped toward long nights and short days during this run-up to the first day of winter. It's as if the sun is looking for a little down time, too, just like us.
Whatever you're coping with this holiday season, it is OK—more than OK—to acknowledge the feelings, to feel the sadness, and honor the grief of loss. Things will never look and be the same, and time marches forward. The feelings and emotions that come with all of that are like a flood. They cannot be stopped and are all part of the necessary process of grief. I don't think grief over a loss of someone you love ever goes away, but somehow, time manages to knit a patch over the hole. The hole is patched; it's different from the original material and is vulnerable, but it holds.
There is a lot of debate about the actual date of Christ's birth. But maybe it landed providentially in this season of darkness because the Good Lord knew we needed the thrill of hope right about this time of year, when everything is at its darkest.
If you're having a blue Christmas, it is OK not to be merry all the time. Do what you can and be what you can whenever you can. Change is hard, but change can bring about new, good things, too.
Bev Berens is a mom to 4-H and FFA members in Michigan. Do you have a story to share? Email her at uphillfarm494@yahoo.com.